Being Responsible for your Self-Love

Jul 16, 2021
Trigger Warning. This episode mentions sexual abuse. Being Responsible for your Self-Love with Mallory Leone of Four Corners Studio

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[Full Transcript]

[00:00:00] Alexandria: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to another episode of mercury and the eighth with Alexandria Rollet. That is me. So today we actually have a guest Mallory Leone who is the founder of four corners studio. Hello, Mallory. Hi, how are you doing?

[00:00:18]Mallory Leone: [00:00:18] I'm doing so good. How are you? 

[00:00:21] Alexandria: [00:00:21] I'm doing well, you know? So I would love for you to just start out introducing yourself who you are, what you do or anything else you want to say?

[00:00:30] Mallory Leone: [00:00:30] Yeah. Thank you for that introduction. So four corners, it's an online offering of magical education. I sell spell kits and magical tools. There's one-on-one energy healings. And I use a lot of lineage techniques rooted in my Western folk magic ancestry. So there's a lot going on over there. 

[00:00:56] Alexandria: [00:00:56] In your ancestry.

[00:00:58] Can you go [00:01:00] into a little bit of depth with that? Because I'm just now getting into like really figuring out what my ancestry is. 

[00:01:06] Mallory Leone: [00:01:06] Yes. I love this. So specifically when it comes to my magical healing, spiritual practice, I really, when I started to get into it, I wanted to dig really deeply into what maybe my, my ancestors and my family would have.

[00:01:23] Practiced had they had had I known them. And so I started, I was always really, really drawn to the Italian side of my family because that's just, I grew up with this big Italian family. Wasn't as connected to the Norwegian Finnish side, the more Nordic side. And so it's just funny, like over the years, I've just gotten more and more into the different aspects of that just by grabbing different books, reading different articles, online, seeing how it feels to invoke or commune with the different gods and goddesses.

[00:01:56] And in different herbs or different, you know, different [00:02:00] practices that both of these different heritages offer. There's also like a really big Celtic part of my, my lineage as well. Which is super, super rich because it, a lot of people think of Celt as just like Irish and Scottish, but it actually is so, so much more complex and so much bigger than that.

[00:02:17] And so just tracing all of this back has been so fascinating. And then. Simultaneously learning about indigenous cultures from the Americas and not necessarily practicing those, but just in a way that is honorary and in reverence too, because obviously we live here. And so I like to kind of look into that and the different parallels and the different ways that those practices and, and ways of healing.

[00:02:44] Connect and look like each other, but aren't quite each other. It's just so fascinating. So I really, really love looking into the history of it. And then I think in this day and age, or I don't know what you want to call it in this timeline and this energy that we're in, [00:03:00] that we're maybe even entering into.

[00:03:02] I also feel like there's a lot that I'm bringing forward with me and a lot that I'm leaving behind and. Redefining for myself, digging a little bit deeper and being like, does this feel good still? Or am I just practicing this? Because a book told me to, and that book told me what my, my ancestors used to do.

[00:03:19] So I think there's a lot of opportunity there to create your own way. And it's been really fun. 

[00:03:26] Alexandria: [00:03:26] That is so fascinating.  So, so that's sort of the question for me, because you said you know, you're experiencing right now where you're. Kind of like dropping what doesn't really isn't relevant for you and moving forward.

[00:03:43] But when you talk about that, someone could possibly assume, well then why are you looking into ancestry to inform you on this? So can you speak to that a little bit? Like why. Okay, maybe here's a good question. If we are wanting to move forward in our [00:04:00] practices, why would we actually be looking into our ancestry to help?

[00:04:07] Mallory Leone: [00:04:07] Beautiful question. And I think that this might be a very personal journey because I have. A stellium in Sagittarius. I am the always learner, always philosopher, always a doer. And so for me, learning is non-negotiable. If, if I knew the question that you sometimes get with coaches or self-help books, it's like if you had a hundred million trillion dollars, what would you do?

[00:04:33] And I think I would just read and learn forever. Something it's a compulsion. One might call it unhealthy. So for me, that learning is always important. What I tell my students, because I have a program called Magic Lab where I teach sort of a distillation of everything that I've learned and used and practice, and what's worked for me so that they don't have to go and read the millions of books that I did.

[00:04:59] And even [00:05:00] with them, I'm like use, use and learn all of this, soak it all in, but pretend you have. Like a filter and that everything is going through this filter like a, like a sieve and you're only taking and using what is resonating with you at this time. It is always fascinating and good and, helpful to learn all you can about different modalities, different healing, modalities, different approaches to learning about yourself from astrology to human design, to the Akashic records, to all of it, but always have.

[00:05:33] That filter of discernment on. And so for me, because history has always been super fascinating to me and the idea that, because let's be honest, like I'm super white and my families came here probably in like the late 18 hundreds. So I don't even have that close of a relationship with my European ancestry.

[00:05:53] So for me, it's like, it's like, I want something to hold on to, I want, I want an anchor in my past because [00:06:00] so many of us don't have that. And so it's been really healing for me to look back and learn what my ancestors may or may not have done this. Isn't even getting into the whole witchcraft portion of things, which has its own fascinating history that goes all the way back into pre-pegan and times in every continent.

[00:06:19] In the planet. So that's its own crazy history, but just for my own ancestry and for my own knowledge, it's just been very anchoring , very healing to learn it all and then put it through that filter. 

[00:06:32]Alexandria: [00:06:32] Oh, that is so fascinating. It seems like there's a kind of a push these days. For this, like, figure out, you know, what your lineages tap in with your ancestors and et cetera, et cetera, and like, allow that to inform your spiritual life and your spiritual journey and all of this.

[00:06:53] And I'm like, yeah, cool. Yeah, let's do that. Cause me Miss Cancer Su n. I'm like, yes. Tell me everything about my family and my [00:07:00] history. So I love that. Thank you. For explaining that from your own perspective and how it's played a role in your life and your journey. So I know that's, that's going to be helpful for someone listening to this, for sure.

[00:07:12] Mallory Leone: [00:07:12] I hope so. It's been super fun and super informative and yeah, again, if you didn't, if you weren't raised with a particular spiritual tradition or religion, even it, it can feel very It's like the wild west out there when it comes to spiritual ism and Witchery, and, and all of these things. And so to have an anchor point is really fun.

[00:07:35] And it also really helps because there is a lot of information out there. There's a lot of opportunity to learn. And so having a starting point is just really helpful. 

[00:07:48] Alexandria: [00:07:48] Yeah. I come from a very small town that is very Catholic. And so that was kind of just always the, the baseline, like right. That's where I [00:08:00] started, you know, with everything.

[00:08:01]Now I'm sure once I started digging into my lineage, I'm going to see a lot of Catholicism. So I'm sure I'm not off base, but it's been. That's the idea of maybe something else being available is really exciting. So yeah. All right. So moving into then explaining your mercury and what it does for you and your chart, what your lived experience is with having this mercury.

[00:08:29]This is what we do for every interview episode because this was inspired by what the name of this podcast is mercury in the eighth based off of my own placement. Because this is really one of the key indicators in the chart. It lets us know what, what is it that we think about? What do we like to talk about?

[00:08:48]What is exciting to our minds and to our brains? So it usually once we start digging into the mercury placement, we're usually going to be [00:09:00] taken right into whatever topic is most fitting for you. So cool. So let's start. So you have, as you already mentioned a Sagittarius stellium and so for any of you listening that doesn't know what that, yeah.

[00:09:14] That doesn't know what that is. So it's basically just a place within your chart that there's a lot of energy there. A lot of the same energy, not everyone has a stellium, but many people do have stelliums for Mallory, she has one of the biggest stelliums I've ever seen. It doesn't happen like this very often.

[00:09:37] She has 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 planets, all in Sagittarius. And I use the whole sign house system. So that means all of those are in the 11th house. So yeah. One of those being mercury. So mercury and Sagittarius in the 11th house and in human design, her conscious mercury falls in gate [00:10:00] 10. Let's start adding all those things together.

[00:10:03]So first and foremost, you know, Mallory already mentioned this kind of a philosopher, like wants to study and learn more. And that is much of a note of Sagittarius. That's kind of that Sagittarian energy. It's always this Sagittarius has this drive to explore. What's in the far reaches of the mind and trying to expand the mind, looking for bigger things, things with bigger meaning as well.

[00:10:30]Sagittarius is often. You can kind of put an archetype on Sagittarius of like godliness. So that's kind of where some of that energy is coming from of like wanting to associate with yourself, with, or search for something bigger than yourself. Being in the 11th house, the 11th house is about community hopes and dreams for your future.

[00:10:53]So I would expect that, you know, Connecting with like-minded people is pretty important [00:11:00] for Mallory. It's important for a lot of people I'm sure. But for you like extra, extra important because there's such a, there's a lot of energy in that 11th house of, you know, connecting with friends and, and other people, but also being able to see the possibility.

[00:11:22] For the future, like, what are we going for? What, what is it that we're really trying to create in our lives? And with that Sagittarius energy coming in there, we're not dreaming small. We're dreaming actually very, very big. And then adding in your human design, the gate 10, I am so excited about this because For one thing, it's, it's an interesting experiment to actually compare your mercury with, with my mercury, because what we're what's happening right now is it is a real life dialogue.

[00:11:55]So people can have some kind of a sense of how these things compare. So, you know, my [00:12:00] mercury is in Leo, so we both have those fire signs going on. So this is probably going to be a pretty spirited conversation because we have that fire passion coming up in there. But yeah. Your mercury is in the same gate that my north nodes are in.

[00:12:18] Yeah. So that's such an interesting, like a synchronistic or, well, actually the word I'm really looking for is in a synastry interesting synastry going on there. So you're going to be able to put a lot of words to the things that I'm kind of like. If we look at the north node from a perspective of like, that's what I'm reaching for, that's what I'm striving for.

[00:12:40] That's kind of like the direction of my life. It's something that like, you get all ready and your brain you're communicating it all the time. And so I'm pretty excited. 

[00:12:49] Mallory Leone: [00:12:49] That is so cool. I love that so much. 

[00:12:52] Alexandria: [00:12:52] Isn't that? Cool. So gate 10 is the gate of the, of love of self. So [00:13:00] it is all about.

[00:13:02] Self-empowerment so you, as the person that holds this energy, you are someone who finds your own, self-empowerment your own, self-worth your own love of self. And by living that and embodying that you inspire other people to do the same. Yeah. Isn't it. What was that? 

[00:13:27] Mallory Leone: [00:13:27] I'll take that, huh? 

[00:13:30] Alexandria: [00:13:30] Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that so exciting?

[00:13:33]And this is actually, yeah, one of your channels. You, your gate 10 connects to gate 34 which is one of the most energetic, most powerful gates. So there's a lot like your life force energy is. Power straight through this gate of the love of self. Like this is, you can almost think about it as like one of your most powerful drivers in your life.

[00:13:57] Mallory Leone: [00:13:57] I feel like I should be paying you right now. I feel like [00:14:00] this is a full reading I'm Venmo-ing you after this. Cool. 

[00:14:07] Alexandria: [00:14:07] Well, I'm glad you're getting a lot out of it. 

[00:14:09] Mallory Leone: [00:14:09] It's just really ringing true. And for your listeners, I call myself a baby astrologer because I, I feel like I have a. Rudimentary understanding of the basics of a birth chart and sort of how things move within astrology.

[00:14:24] And I don't know anything about human design, really, except for some basics about my main type and all of that. So this is really interesting to see the translation from my mercury and the 11th. Right. The, the HD explanation of things and how it's particularly ringing true in this portion of my life, as opposed to when I was in my twenties, when, when I was in my teens, because I feel like I'm definitely stepping into that more, more and more.

[00:14:55] And I wouldn't, I don't think I would. That wouldn't have rang true, you [00:15:00] know, 10 years ago or something. 

[00:15:02] Alexandria: [00:15:02] Would you like to know the other energetic behind this gate? That 

[00:15:06] Mallory Leone: [00:15:06] yes, please 

[00:15:06] Alexandria: [00:15:06] ring true. In its most shadow expression, it blames others. For 

[00:15:15] Mallory Leone: [00:15:15] that would be it. Yes. Just, I just was talking about how I was a victim for most of my life and how I just really, really embraced my victim hood.

[00:15:26] I was really good at it for so long. So that is that's 

[00:15:30] Alexandria: [00:15:30] exactly. And its highest expression. It is being able to take ownership of your own life, your own experiences and what you can create out of that. 

[00:15:43] Mallory Leone: [00:15:43] 100%. 

[00:15:44]Alexandria: [00:15:44] Okay. So I'm going to turn it over to you to continue. Just, I would love to know what's been your experience with, you know, living with this kind of energy.

[00:15:54]And you can talk about it at whichever lens that feels easiest to you or [00:16:00] most true to you. If you want to talk about it specifically just through Sagittarius or just like how important community might be or. Keep going on with the self-love thing. 

[00:16:11] Mallory Leone: [00:16:11] I love this so much. Thank you again for that explanation, because it, it could not be reading more true right now.

[00:16:18] So I guess my I'll start by speaking through the lens of Sag because that is definitely the energy that I'm most familiar with. I do feel like having a mercury and Sagittarius used to get me into trouble. It was sort of that foot and mouth syndrome where I would just say things. I also used to drink a lot in my teens and twenties.

[00:16:38] And so when I would get drunk, I would like say things that were necessary for people, 

[00:16:45] Alexandria: [00:16:45] but it was still true though. Wasn't it 

[00:16:48] Mallory Leone: [00:16:48] probably was really true. It was, Hey to me, it was true to me. And it's almost like. With foot and mouth disease, you have a propensity to [00:17:00] say things that are true to you and you think will be helpful, but if you don't have that discernment or you aren't able to read energy in a particular way, the person that you're speaking to just isn't ready to hear it.

[00:17:15] A healer now. And as someone who works with clients and over the years, I have really learned how to read the energy of a person, read the energy of a room and only deliver my messages in. Capacity that is a welcome or be really needed and, and going to be like truly helpful as opposed to just me and my ego, getting my opinion out into the world.

[00:17:36] And that brings me to another level of all of this, which it kind of brings us back to that philosopher king, that God self, that, that, that self-love, I didn't have any of that before. And so there was no real, I guess I'll use the word filter again for that. It was. Just information coming in and out of my mouth hole.

[00:17:58] And like, again, not really [00:18:00] helpful because I just didn't have that. I mean, I, again, I was the epitome of self-loathing. I was, I, I don't think you could find another person who hated themselves more than I did, and was still able to like function as a human being and function in the world. And that, that was just my reality.

[00:18:21]I think that it is also very important that I listen. Another thing that has been maybe not a challenge for me, but instead of listening with an open heart, I used to listen and then always want to give the advice immediately. And I was never very patient with where the person was in their journey.

[00:18:46] Whereas now I realize. That is not how any of this works. And in fact to hold space is to no where that person is and, and feel [00:19:00] where they are in their journey. And then just, and then just be there, be there for when they need your advice and be there when they need the truth telling and being able to feel that out.

[00:19:08] So that's sort of how my. How things have shifted over the years, I used to get really frustrated and really mad when I felt like someone was not living up to their potential, which is so funny to think of. And so now I have a lot more empathy and a lot more understanding when it comes to where people like even just friends or my partner or my parents, or whomever, like where they are in their journey is where they're at and that is sacred and they will figure that out.

[00:19:37] Organically. And they don't need me to be their guru. That is not how any of this works. And so I will say that there has been some I guess some like a more pushy, aggressive energy that used to come with with this placement. And now it is much more understanding. 

[00:19:59] Alexandria: [00:19:59] Yes. [00:20:00] Yeah, haha that's also also like juicy and great because there's so much, there is so much there to unpack.

[00:20:07] And I think one of the things that's really interesting to bring to light here is what you. Just said and that's that guru energy. And, and that does come out of Sagittarius sometimes, especially if the Sagittarius energy is expressing in a shadowy way because Sagittarius associates itself with God almost.

[00:20:29]So it can be that drive to, oh, I know. I'm all knowing. And I can help all, because I, you know, I've got all this information or and, but at the same time, one of the really amazing things about Sagittarius is how much Sagittarius just really just wants to have fun and like enjoy life. And be in adventure states and be in you know, such true child [00:21:00] expressions.

[00:21:01] Like, oh, this is what we get to do. This is life. This is amazing. So it's such an interesting balance that has to occur because there is that sweet spot in the middle. There is being able to say, okay, I see you where you are. I probably have what you want or need, but I'm going to be. Aware of what's going on and perhaps nothing really needs to come out of my mouth.

[00:21:26] And I just need to be here where you are in this moment with you in this now. 

[00:21:31] Mallory Leone: [00:21:31] Yes. 100%. And, and we, we're here now. We're like, I'm good now we're there now. But I will say a lot of, I think like most of the expression of my chart up until my thirties was shadows. Yeah. Yeah. Every one. 

[00:21:49] Alexandria: [00:21:49] Right. So then what was the shift?

[00:21:53] What, what was it. Allowed you to get to where you are now? 

[00:21:57] Mallory Leone: [00:21:57] I would say a [00:22:00] total unadulterated rock bottom was definitely my shift. I spent so many years not trusting myself. And this was, this was partly inherited. I would say it's partly like epigenetic or ancestral and partially, you know, cultural, societal and.

[00:22:20] Really, really just, I guess my soul really wanted to live out that victim, you know, victim hood for so long. But it got me into a place in my life where I quote unquote had it all. And if you looked around and if you looked at what I had, it looked pretty good.  I had a decent job really everything that I could have ever wanted.

[00:22:40] Got so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed. And that is when, about the time my marriage ended. And then when my marriage ended and I was ahead, everything that I pretty much owned my car and I was living sort of in between my parents' house and, you know, friends houses and Airbnb's [00:23:00] that I was sort of looking around and going, okay, there's a better way to do this.

[00:23:03] And I had been interested in witchcraft and a lot of this more esoteric, occult style stuff when I was younger. And then I just spent so many years in that that I guess, wanting someone like take care of, figure this out for me and no one could or would obviously, and. And then being in that loop, in that cycle for so long.

[00:23:26] And then I don't know, it just, it really felt like a waking up. I was staying at my parents' house. I was, you know, 30 years old or 30, 30, 1, 30, 2 years old. And I remember just looking up at the sky and it was so big and I was feeling the wind on my face. Right. It literally just felt like a moment.

[00:23:41] Like some, like someone flipped a switch and then everything opened up to me and then it it's been an evolution since then of just more and more and more radical self-responsibility. And the more I do that, and it's literally it's as we speak it's happening right now. I mean, total energetic shifts, even just in the last week [00:24:00] of taking such immense and radical responsibility for who I am.

[00:24:05] And, and what my role is here and how I communicate with people and how I, how I, how I show up. So, 

[00:24:13]Alexandria: [00:24:13] wow. Can you explain that moment a little bit more of like, when you're looking at the sky and the wind is blowing and all in your face, then that switch can you explain what that switch was or what it felt like, or now that you have hindsight.

[00:24:29] You know what happened? Yeah. Can you speak to that? 

[00:24:32]Mallory Leone: [00:24:32] I think it was in a nutshell, no one is going to save you. No one is coming to save you. And that sounds dire. It sounds a little bleak, but it felt like the world was finally opening up, like the world cracked open and the universe cracked open in this way that all of a sudden was just filled with this possibility and this potential.

[00:24:54] And from then it was my responsibility to pick up those breadcrumbs and go with it [00:25:00] because I think that people will have experiences like this and then their brains get in the way. And they're like, no, this is scary. Nope. This isn't how anything works. I mean, think about, I mean, I'll, I'll, I'll speak to my own experience.

[00:25:11] My mother and my grandmothers, my great-grandmother's no one ever had a job, really not a career. And many of them. We're in some way or another indebted or beholden to a man. I mean, this is, this is not unique. And and then when they would find any sense of, of sovereignty or, or possibility or growth or evolution for themselves in my experience in my family, at least it was then just cut off, like just right, right.

[00:25:43] When they were getting excited or right. When it felt right. You know, something where something new was possible, they couldn't do it. And without getting too personal, because a lot of these people are still alive when, when you are not true to yourself, bad things happen. And that was my experience. So this is like, [00:26:00] what I have in my, in my DNA is that these women, they were not true to themselves.

[00:26:05] They let a man take care of them financially, however, in all ways shapes and forms. And then they. They couldn't like ever truly reach their potential, but it was safe. There was food on the table, there was a roof over their heads. And so the world cracked open to me and it was scary and it was new because my, my ex husband took care of me financially.

[00:26:29] 100%. I went back to school. I was like doing things. Obviously I was learning as I'm want to do, but I wasn't earning any money. And so a lot of resentment built and it, and it literally exploded it like pop. And that was my opportunity to grab at that breadcrumb of the world, opening up to me in this insane way and being like, okay, I'm going to do this in a different way.

[00:26:51] I also could have like, gone and met some other dude and like had him take care of me. So like, I think we have these little windows, we all have them and it's just up [00:27:00] to us to be like, am I going to grab onto this scary thing or not? And follow it? I think I answered your question. 

[00:27:08] Alexandria: [00:27:08] Yeah. Yeah, it did. It did.

[00:27:09]So along that journey along that transitionary period is kind of what it feels like. Did you ever seek out any help? You know, you mentioned like you were already interested in things like witchcraft and spirituality, so w what did you end up finding during that time? What did you go see?

[00:27:28] Mallory Leone: [00:27:28] Oh, you're going to like this. Okay. Well, first I got lots of therapy, which I highly recommend big fan. When I started to look for more of a coaching or like a spiritual coaching vibe, I was living in LA and that's when things got a little hairy. I did start to see some very high ticket coaches and buy high ticket.

[00:27:48] Someone's not familiar. I mean, this is what they call themselves. I'm not making this up or it's not like a derogatory term. They, they call themselves high ticket and that's not a bad thing. It's just is what it is. But, you know, it's something like anywhere from three [00:28:00] to $5,000 a month and they show up and they sort of attempt to teach you how to step into your power, your sexuality, your business, whatever it is.

[00:28:10] And so. The problem with where I was at at the time. So part of my rock bottom started in nine 19. Wow. 2016. Okay. And then hit another rock bottom in the, at the end, in November of 2017 when I had, Hmm. I don't know how to explain this because I don't, again, like these people are still alive. There was a, an incidence of sexual abuse in my family.

[00:28:39] One of my family members came out and was like, yo, this happened. And that's when I realized that my own memory was true. So I don't, I had never repressed it. I had always had it, but I thought that I was making it up and that I was just like, Hmm. So when she came out and told her story, [00:29:00] like in detail, it was the exact experience with the exact same person that I had the memory of.

[00:29:05] So I knew it was true. So all of a sudden, literally half of my family poof, gone overnight, because then it became a political. Ordeal of who to tell and you know what to do about it and how to dress the whole thing. And not only is that incredibly confronting for the people who actually suffered the abuse, because you're like, wait, is this a question like that?

[00:29:31] This was bad. Are we questioning this? But it's also a matter of rewriting. The stories, the legends of my family, that I've, I literally embedded in my memory in my brain and my body. They are a part of me because you know, your family is full of legends and stories. And my family was really good at it because they were in the theater and they were, you know, these hippies in California.

[00:29:59] And so like, they were [00:30:00] very good at telling them all these tails and that's exactly what they were. They were tales, they were tall tales. And so all of a sudden my identity was stripped away. The identity of my closest family members and loved ones were completely stripped of me. And then you had the two camps of,

[00:30:16] You know, it was this, that bad was this slow. Was this bad enough to like warrant such, making such a big deal out of it? And then the, the camp that was like, yes, this is a very big deal. And oh, by the way, these two women were the only ones affected there. There may have been more people who were affected by this man.

[00:30:36] I realized that that I'm sort of tiptoeing around like the real story. But again, this is to protect the people who are involved in, you know, that's not have any more to like, even think about that, but that was the second rock bottom. So, so first I had sort of my quote unquote security of money and the husband and, you know, to be fair, he, he came from a family.

[00:30:59] Let's just say [00:31:00] that in our retirement, Together as a married couple, we would have been like, great. And I don't come from a family like that. So like, it was like, I had, I'd sort of, oh, now that I'm thinking of it, it was like I had, my whole past was written and solidified and my whole future was solidified.

[00:31:18] Alexandria: [00:31:18] Oh. 

[00:31:19] Mallory Leone: [00:31:19] And then it was not none of at all in either direction. 

[00:31:24] Alexandria: [00:31:24] Oh gosh. 

[00:31:25] Mallory Leone: [00:31:25] It's just like a constant, like ripping away of these things that felt safe and like home. So wait, so I guess I just had a blank slate.

[00:31:34] On which to write. And that, and that's what I've been doing ever since then. It's been really fun. 

[00:31:42]Alexandria: [00:31:42] Just so I'm aware, I, I could probably do the math, but was that your Saturn return? 

[00:31:47]Mallory Leone: [00:31:47] Saturn return? No, that was my gosh, I'm 37. So my Saturn return was. 2011. Okay. I think 11, 12 -ish. And that was its own interesting shift because that was that.

[00:32:06] See, you're the astrologer. I wouldn't, I would need you to like, look at this, but it had a lot to do with like identity and work for me. I, 

[00:32:13] Alexandria: [00:32:13] I can see the work. Yeah. 

[00:32:14] Mallory Leone: [00:32:14] Okay. Perfect. 

[00:32:15]Alexandria: [00:32:15] So that's career public persona which was kind of one of the reasons why I was like, oh, maybe this could be be because yeah, because it's opposing your fourth house, which the fourth house is you know, of home and family, so, and your, you have Chiron.

[00:32:35] Retrograde in the fourth, conjunct the IC. And so I definitely seeing that a lot of the familial stuff you can drill it into Chiron. And so I was just kind of thinking conceptually, okay. The Saturn return would definitely like ping that off, but I'm sure that there's something, there was probably other transits.

[00:32:58] Afterwards and maybe even [00:33:00] some progression stuff and whatnot, but 

[00:33:02] Mallory Leone: [00:33:02] yeah, definitely the Saturn return was when I decided to switch careers, but I, I, I literally saw vision of myself in a white coat and I was like, oh, I'm a doctor. I was awake. It wasn't a dream. I was like, oh, I was like making medicine with herbs and stuff.

[00:33:19] I was like, oh, I'm a doctor. And so I went back to school to get my pre-med. Like prereq's done. 

[00:33:25] Alexandria: [00:33:25] Oh my gosh. 

[00:33:28] Mallory Leone: [00:33:28] My, my husband at the time was not a fan and I never ended up going to med school. I went to and got a nutrition certification instead, and that is what really started the ball rolling into the healing field, because then I was working in a doctor's office with her patients.

[00:33:41] We were healing, but there was like something missing. And then that's when I started to get into the energetics and more of the psycho-emotional healing. 

[00:33:49] Alexandria: [00:33:49] Hmm. Wow. 

[00:33:51] Mallory Leone: [00:33:51] The Saturn Return is what triggered it. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:33:55] Alexandria: [00:33:55] Wow. Oh, [00:34:00] that's so cool. And also just as a very side note, why wouldn't the ex want you to become a doctor like this 

[00:34:09] Mallory Leone: [00:34:09] girl that is like a whole other

[00:34:14] Oh, God, it's so hard to say all of this without like calling people out. He was he was a wonderful man. We were not for each other. And in many ways I married my abuser. That sounds so bad. He did not abuse me. My ex-husband did not abuse me, but he helped, he was an archetype that matched. The man that abused me, who by the way, was my hero and I loved. 

[00:34:37] Alexandria: [00:34:37] oh, wow. 

[00:34:37] Mallory Leone: [00:34:37] My abuser. My abuser was, I loved him. He was probably my favorite person in the world. And so to say that I married a version and archetype of him, you know, like, you know, your dad, your, it was not my dad, by the way. Dad's amazing. And I also love him and he is also my hero, but But my ex was the archetype of this man.

[00:34:58] And like, you know, there was some, [00:35:00] that's all I'll say, I don't want to talk badly about person. Yeah. We were just not meant for each other. Right. Mm. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:35:10] Alexandria: [00:35:10] Wow. Okay. Okay. So

[00:35:13]how I'm trying to too. Distinguished the exact question that I want to go to, so in this, in this journey, what would, okay. I think this is like a good point for like another turning point, because, so from what I'm gathering. You and and a lot of your life was kind of like in that victim mentality, shit hit the fan and you were forced to, you know, find new ways. And then you started on this healing journey.

[00:35:45]So what was it really that kind of got you into this place of like now you've, you've found your own responsibility of self and you've found you know, your own self-love like, was there any kind of. Particular thing that [00:36:00] took you from searching for healing and other people fixing you too? Oh, no, it healing is within,

[00:36:08] definitely.

[00:36:10] Mallory Leone: [00:36:10] Oh, okay. So I did totally tangent off of the finding help and the coaches and all. Question we'll go back there, but also answer this new question. So is that I found this was in the, really the, the, the juiciest part of getting my whole life ripped out from under me. I was in a lot of pain. I was very,

[00:36:40] I don't want to say gullible, but I was hurt and. When I sought out these people, they did, they promised me a lot of answers. And that, again, it's, it's just kind of the way it is. Sometimes this is marketing and, you know, I think there's something really, there's a really [00:37:00] interesting conversation to be had because as a healer, myself and a coach and someone who sells products, we're thinking of marketing like a lot, but at the same time, We need to be very mindful and responsible with that.

[00:37:16] So at the time I was, I had my, my identity and my life really in a lot of ways stripped from me. And so when these people showed up, it was something that I could really grasp onto. I also started to put a ton of identity into my business, which at the time was called manifest box and it was actual kits.

[00:37:35] It was, it was a physical product at the time. And. I was just constantly disappointed because the things that I was being promised, there was no earthly way earthly or heavenly way that they could have possibly. Delivered on their promises. It's just not possible. That is not how any of this works. So from there, I did find a school and at the time it was called Rising River [00:38:00] Wisdom School.

[00:38:00] It was run by a beautiful woman, healer called brick brick, Brooke Alberico. She is a Reiki and Shamanic healer out of Long Beach. She's wonderful. She's a dear friend still and a teacher. So that was a huge shift. So it was an 11 month program. She doesn't. Right now, as we, as at the time of this recording, she no longer offers this.

[00:38:24]There was a collection of, I think, three or four teachers. So we learned different Shamonic healing techniques. We learned Reiki. We had our, we did Reiki attunements.

[00:38:33] We learned plant medicine. Not, not anything psychotropic or anything. Actual herbs like mugwort and stuff, and then the Tarot. And so that was, it was this beautiful group, this coven of women from diverse backgrounds. And we would gather every month in person for an entire weekend, it was so magical. It was so healing.

[00:38:54] And that was the first time I felt really held by a teacher and a series of teachers that [00:39:00] were really just there to show these different modalities. And then just be like, Hey, here's how you use it. We're not here to heal you. And that was huge. That was such a huge shift from there.

[00:39:11] I sought out other teachers courses, you know, various. I dunno. Even, even mediums and coaches and therapists, just always kind of running the gamut. And then 2019 came. And it was probably the hard, it was harder than 2020. For me. It was a really hard year with money with just like personal growth with my body.

[00:39:36] My health sort of started to go down the drain and it was, it was just this now looking back, it was just another initiation. I didn't have any money to hire anyone. And so it was forced to just be with myself, go figure. And now this isn't to say that you shouldn't need it. Coaches and healers and guidance.

[00:39:57] It's just that sometimes it's time for a [00:40:00] break it's time. For some integration, integration is such a beautiful word and something that a lot of people don't talk about because it's harder sometimes than the learning part, the learning and the doing we are raised for. In America in the west, actually all over the world.

[00:40:18] Now in this globalized world, we're, we're constantly told to be doing, doing, doing, and it's that integration. It's that going in? We're everyone sucks because it is uncomfortable. So 2019 was a huge year of integration, super uncomfortable for all of my Sag-ness. I was like, what is going on in the universe?

[00:40:40] If you want to think of it like this. And I do made it to where my body didn't work. I had almost no money coming in. I, my car died and I couldn't, and I was living in Las Vegas. So this isn't like, oh, just hop on the subway in New York city. I couldn't even go anywhere. Like I literally was stuck [00:41:00] in this body that now no longer worked as well.

[00:41:03] So I couldn't, you know, even like go to the gym every day and get out all my emotions and aggressions, physically, it was like, I was just stuck in this body. It was looking back on it. Hilarious, not hilarious at the time, but I will tell you that when 2020 hit, I was so ready to go. I was like, I have so got this.

[00:41:21] This is a breeze, everything that was happening, it was almost like. Like not to make light of, you know, terrible, terrible, horrible things that happening in any way. But I did feel like a space holder because I had been through something that was really, really hard over and over again. And I knew what that felt like.

[00:41:43] What was the question 

[00:41:44] Alexandria: [00:41:44] at this point? I don't remember. And I don't think it matters. 

[00:41:49] Mallory Leone: [00:41:49] The, the teachers, the people that kind of helped me get to this. I think we'll be, I think we touched on the question that you asked by me saying that it was that [00:42:00] integration period. That was another huge shift because you can learn all the things you can do, all the things you can go do, plant medicine, you can, you know, chant and go into a sweat lodge.

[00:42:10] You can, you know, you can do all of the things, but if you're not giving yourself space for integration, it's going to be a problem. 

[00:42:17] Alexandria: [00:42:17] Right. Right. 

[00:42:19] Okay. Yeah. So many good things in there. The integration. Okay. Actually before that, want to take it back to the marketing real quick, because as a guide myself who.

[00:42:35] You know, that's the type of work that I do, where I'm giving you the tools to be able to do the work yourself basically. And then you are inundated with all of the like marketing advice that all of your marketing needs to be results oriented. Well, that doesn't necessarily fit with, with guides or coaches or, you know, kind of like we [00:43:00] can say here's the possibilities.

[00:43:03] But I can't promise any of it. And I especially can't promise it if you're not going to do the work, because that's what it is. It depends on. So, you know, what do we do?

[00:43:18] Mallory Leone: [00:43:18] Oh, it's so it's so juicy. This is such a good topic. And I feel like we could talk for hours about it. I will say that for me. And I don't remember who just said that. But it was, it was not me. I did not make this up. It feels like you're in one paradigm. And then you start to move into another paradigm and you're at this, like, I'll say low point, just because that's all the only way I can think to, let's say a neutral point.

[00:43:48] You, you come to this neutral space and you're figuring out you're starting to really step into what you are, who you are, your messaging, what it really means to be. You [00:44:00] be your business, what you really want that to feel like, but you're at neutral. So there's really not any money coming in. And then if you can just stay here for a minute, and this is just my experience, you can just stay here for a minute, then you'll start to see the upswing, but it's in this neutral place that people get freaked out and you can.

[00:44:24] Say that that's a good visualization or a good visual representation of even like the healing process or even in a relationship with a lover or even a friend or, you know, someone close to you, you're coming out of this old paradigm. And then there's this whole space where you just can't trust it yet.

[00:44:42] Your brain won't trust it. Your body does your energy is like, yeah, this feels good. But you got to stay here for just a second and you have to trust it in order to get on that. And that's how that's actually, I'm in the neutral zone in a lot of ways in my, in my practice right now in my [00:45:00] business. And because I have a lot of trust issues and not really, even of other people, but of myself.

[00:45:05] And so I'm like getting real comfy cozy in this neutral area. And I'm actually like, yes, I'm protected. Like, it doesn't matter if like, It, it almost makes it to where you don't obsessive. We check how many people have signed up for your offering this week. It's about any more in like cozy space and trusting, and then I'm starting to see that.

[00:45:31] upswing and it's, it's cool. 

[00:45:35] Alexandria: [00:45:35] That is awesome. That is so good. 

[00:45:38] Mallory Leone: [00:45:38] It's going to feel different for everyone, right? Like it's going to be different. Yeah. Yeah. So, 

[00:45:43] Alexandria: [00:45:43] yeah. I also feel like I hear far more stories that are similar to what you just explained about the neutral and then being able to exp…like once you're kind of more [00:46:00] solid and comfortable in that neutral, then you see that upswing.

[00:46:03]But I would also say that neutral and correct me if you see it differently. That's where the integration actually happens. 

[00:46:11] Mallory Leone: [00:46:11] Yeah. And embodiment, you all of a sudden know it, so well that it's a part of you, as opposed to kind of you're showing up in your business or in your life and being like, oh, should I read from my notes, knowing it so well that you could show up anywhere and you would feel zero.

[00:46:32] I mean, it's just, it just flows out of you. Maybe that's physically, maybe that maybe that's you, if you're, if you make a product with your hands or maybe that's you, if you're an, you know, an artist of some kind, or even if you're like a coder, you know, there's going to be, if you're a coder and you're like, you're like,  on your, on your keyboard.

[00:46:51] Like super slowly coding. The embodiment is when. You don't even have to think about it anymore. And it just flows out of you. And you're just like, you know, [00:47:00] so like that it could happen in any art form. But it's an integration and embodiment

[00:47:06] Alexandria: [00:47:06] yes. I love that example of the coder, but it's a great example, like that's real life, right? Exactly. I think I just really loved your sound effects. But I, but I'm glad that you say that because it is important to know that this is available to anyone. It's not just like people who want to be in spiritual spaces.

[00:47:32] It's it's available to every human being 

[00:47:37] Mallory Leone: [00:47:37] 100%.

[00:47:40]Alexandria: [00:47:40] Okay. So I have loved this so much. So let's, let's wrap it up a bit, but what I want to wrap with is what is your maybe advice or suggested steps to take for someone who is. [00:48:00] In that space of they're, they're recognizing that there, there may be in that victim mentality or that they have been.

[00:48:09] And they're trying to, to break from that. What is your best advice to a person who is on that journey and getting into, trying to get into that place of being able to take full responsibility for themselves, and also not feel like that's restricting them or that that's bad. 

[00:48:29] Mallory Leone: [00:48:29] Yes. So I still use this particular technique to this day because I'm not immune to feeling like a victim.

[00:48:37] You have the opportunity to take responsibility every single second of your day. And so. I can see, okay, you ate an entire pizza and had a beer last night. You wake up in the middle of the night, you're super thirsty. You drink a bunch of water, your sleep was terrible and you wake up the next day and you're tired, but you have to go to work all day.

[00:48:57] And you're, you're pissed. You're just like feeling [00:49:00] frustrated and you blame it on your partner because he wanted to get the pizzas and beer. And like, you really wanted a salad. So like, this is such. Like low key, but, 

[00:49:12] Alexandria: [00:49:12] but it's also like really I've done that hundreds of times. 

[00:49:18] Mallory Leone: [00:49:18] And so I think it, it, again, our brain is this crazy monkey, like fail safe, always wanting to keep us kind of small and keep us safe.

[00:49:28] Always 100%. It's a very ancient organ in a lot of ways. And. So if you blame it on other, if you can immediately assign blame to someone else, then you're, you're in the right. You're good. You know, it's just, it's, it's a protection mechanism in a lot of ways. And so if it's a colleague that you are upset with, No, they did something that you wouldn't, you wouldn't have done it that way.

[00:49:52] Or maybe they get mad at you and you get defensive. Every single moment of every day is an opportunity to take responsibility. And so it's a [00:50:00] practice. It's like a muscle. So if you find yourself in a space of anger, frustration, sorrow, depression, whatever it is, and believe me, I've just, I've suffered from clinical depression for most of my life.

[00:50:11] And I haven't felt any depression now for years. Like wow. With no drugs. And I'm not saying drugs are bad, but I have not had any. And I think a lot of it had to do with this practice of, of stepping up and taking responsibility, and practicing this over and over and over. And it gets easier just like lifting weights gets easier, just like any, any habit gets easier.

[00:50:36] So you can write it down in your, in your notes app in your phone, you can write it in your journal, just, Hey, what happens both step out of this a little bit. Take it from their perspective, or I look at it from just a different perspective and it doesn't have to be perfect and you can still feel your feelings.

[00:50:53] You can still have this actually just happened to me yesterday. I got an annoying email and I was livid. [00:51:00] I'm very, I get very angry. Just it's. My knee jerk reaction is just to yell and be angry. I've learned to really feel through that. And it's actually becomes kind of a game. And now, like it's kind of fun for me to just like run around the house, getting really mad and yelling and where I used to hold it in and let it just simmer for days at a time.

[00:51:20] I now express it. It's gone within, I don't know, max 30 minutes and then I'm fine. And then I'm like, oh, you know, she was kind of right. That email was really triggering for me because she was right..

[00:51:35] And so it becomes like this tool that you use and then it just goes faster and faster and faster. And it doesn't mean that you're ignoring or pushing down your emotions. That is not good. 

[00:51:46] Alexandria: [00:51:46] Yeah. This kind of really could start on a whole other conversation. However, just want to make light of what you said.

[00:51:55] It's not about not experiencing or allowing yourself to go through the emotions. [00:52:00] Going through the emotion is actually  the beginning of the alchemical process. Like you have to still feel that. 

[00:52:08] Mallory Leone: [00:52:08] I love that 

[00:52:10] Alexandria: [00:52:10] you said it. I mean, 

[00:52:12] Alchemical is 

[00:52:14] Mallory Leone: [00:52:14] such a cool, 

[00:52:17] Alexandria: [00:52:17] anytime I can throw that word in there, I'm like, yes, alchemical.

[00:52:21] Mallory Leone: [00:52:21] Yeah. I love it. We can have both in this world of spiritual. Whatever. Yeah. Aren't we just so steeped in this black or white, it's so crazy. And like, but you can have, like, not only can you have both, you must have both. You must have both on all and you must be okay with the allness. That you are. And I still get super, I trigger my damn self all the time.

[00:52:50] Right. Like I will feel shame because I express my emotions or even like listening to myself, talk for the last hour, how much I laugh. [00:53:00] And I like bull like a cartoon character. I'm like Mallory tone it down. Like. Every time I do that, my soul is happier and I'm more able to better express myself. And so, but it's all happening at once.

[00:53:11] It's just like the allness of you. And then it also doesn't mean it always be this way, you know, giving yourself that room to expand and change and evolve too. It's so cool. 

[00:53:24] Alexandria: [00:53:24] Yeah. Every time you said allness, it gave me chills the first time, like I had full body chills. Like that is amazing. So true. Yes.

[00:53:35] Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Mallory. I really appreciate your time and your energy and just sharing your knowledge and your experience. So I really do appreciate that and, you know, just to close out, do you have any parting words that you would like to share?

[00:53:51]Mallory Leone: [00:53:51] I mean, thank you. This was so wonderful.

[00:53:54] I learned a lot too. This is so interesting. I loved this [00:54:00] conversation and any fall at four corners studio on Instagram or at Mallory Leone. And that's kind of where I hang out most to these. 

[00:54:10] Alexandria: [00:54:10] Awesome. Cool. Well, I'll definitely put those links in the show notes. And also I think you did give us a free ritual course too.

[00:54:18] So I'll put that in the show notes too. So if you're interested in expanding or learning about ritual, that's why you would want to take that course. right? 

[00:54:29] Mallory Leone: [00:54:29] Yes. 

[00:54:29] Yes. It's just simple daily rituals for anyone, even if you have a really busy schedule or kids, or think that you're bad at meditating, all that sort of stuff, there's going to be something in there for you.

[00:54:39] Alexandria: [00:54:39] Oh, awesome. Oh, that's so cool. Great. All right. Well thank you so much, Mallory. 

[00:54:44] Mallory Leone: [00:54:44] Thank you.

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